You’ve all seen it, right? A bunch of celebrities singing over video chat for……whatever reason, I’m not really sure? For Coronavirus, I guess? To cheer us all up? The reason I can’t tell is because it was just weird, out of nowhere, and annoying.
My first thought when I saw it was: “Why?”
Then it was: “Oh celebrities…..you really still need attention at a time like this?”
And then it was: “What in the hell is with this insane song choice?”
Because they sang John Lennon’s immortal classic “Imagine“.
Look, it’s a great song, I get it. I like it; we all do. But it was not a great choice to sing to us all. Not right now. And let’s say, for arguments sake, these famous tools were trying to do something nice for us and aren’t just being attention whores. Could they have picked a worse song?
Ok, yes, they could have- “Down With the Sickness” might have not been the best selection, either. (Although somehow would be still more appropriate?) I feel strongly that “Imagine” was still not good, though.
Let’s look at the lyrics for a minute, shall we?
“Imagine there’s no Heaven…..”
We are in the middle of a global pandemic; a literal battle for our lives against a deadly virus called COVID-19. The entire planet is facing the death of loved ones; some have already lost them and some of us still will. Heaven is literally the only solace some people have right now; the hope that the dying and the dead are heading someplace better than a world ravaged with virus. As an agnostic, I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Heaven, but if there was ever a time when people are hoping and relying on one, it’s now. Let’s not even ask people to imagine there isn’t one at this time; that is the most tone deaf thing I can imagine.
“And no religion, too…..”
Again, faith is literally the only thing some people have to cling to right now- remember that whole Heaven thing we just talked about? Now, I will say, I need everyone to be buying into science right now, too. If you are someone who usually does not believe in science, I really need you to shelve that noise right now and at least pretend. But faith is really important to believers right now, and so that’s not a great message during one the darkest times most of us have ever faced.
“Imagine there’s no countries…..”
There is basically a world wide travel ban in place because we desperately need people to STAY IN THEIR OWN COUNTRIES right now. Because countries are absolutely a thing, and ours is in big trouble at the moment. All countries are in big trouble at the moment. I can’t imagine there is no countries, as ours needs serious protection; our economy is on the blink of collapse, our citizens are losing their jobs, and our hospitals don’t have what they need to treat the overwhelming amount of illness flooding our COUNTRY. And that’s just to name a few of the problems we have currently. But sure, let’s all take a moment to imagine none of them, including ours, exist. Sure, ok. That’s…. comforting? How stupid is that?
I could go on, but I think we all get the point. “Imagine” was a fail. I give The Celebs a grade of C- for effort but a full on F for song selection. And as someone who was recently made a temporary homeschool teacher thanks to coronavirus shutting down my kid’s schools, I’m both qualified and allowed to grade stuff for the foreseeable future.
So, what song would have been better? Glad you asked! After some careful consideration I present to you my list of songs that would have been better than “Imagine” during the coronavirus quarantine:
- Alone by Heart: For obvious reasons. We are in quarantine; we really need to hammer home the idea of staying the hell away from each other. Stay alone. Alone. Alone.
- I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor: Come on, celebs- where is our encouragement to keep on keepin’ on and stay alive? The message is spot on: (lyric) “At first I was afraid, I was petrified…kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side” Ah, but we can- we must! I can live without all of you by my side until the quarantine is over, I really can! And I will…..at home. Away from you.
- Stayin’ Alive by the BeeGees: Again, a perfect message of survival! You just need to alter the lyrics a tad and you’re good: (new lyric) “Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I stay 6 feet away- not safe to talk!” Stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive- a message of hope that actually works.
- Don’t Stand So Close To Me by The Police- social distancing, mutha truckers! Enough said. #sixfeetapart
- On My Own from Les Miserable- you’re seeing the pattern here, right? It’s a quarantine song that the masses can all sing to, because Les Miz…..such a goodie! (lyric) “On my own, pretending he’s beside me….all alone, I walk with him ’til morning….” Yes, pretend to be with your friends, but only in your dreams- stay the hell away from each other!
- Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen- what does this have to do with the apocalypse? Absolutely nothing, which is why it would have been great. How funny would this have been to watch them perform? I would have gotten a giggle and it would have done a hell of a lot more for my spirits than the actual video did.
- A 2020 Updated Remake of We Are The World– celebrities have a long history of feeling the need to get together and sing about stuff, and they pretty much nailed it with 1985’s We Are the World video. If they simply insist on being cheesy and inspirational then why reinvent the wheel? (lyric) “There’s a choice we’re making….we’re saving our own lives…” We sure are- by staying home! Totally on message! Seriously though, it could have actually been pretty cool for a new generation to sing this timeless song of unity.
So, there are my suggestions- hit me up in the comments with yours! There’s got to be thousands more songs that would have been better/funnier/more inspirational/less tone deaf than what those yahoos came up with.
Stay healthy, stay quarantined, and most importantly, stay alive, my friends. We can do this together….but, ya know, not actually together. #stayhome